That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
