idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
