I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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