Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
