i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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