Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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