Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
