Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
