We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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