I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
