mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
