She is in my trunk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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