And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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