Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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