I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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