remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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