he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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