that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
