Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize