He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
