i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
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