Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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