Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
