I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
