I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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