I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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