I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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