Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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