fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
