pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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