I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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