Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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