So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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