I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
love makes seman taste better
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
