I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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