God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
