just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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