Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
