i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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