i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
