hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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