...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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