dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
