That's intense
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
