Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
