I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i believe in u and ur pee
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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