Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize