and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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