someone threw a dead crab at me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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