Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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