im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
