If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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