he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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