I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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