I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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