i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
