Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
