can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
