Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
