She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
