A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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