You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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