I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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