Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
