so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
