Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
