He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
