I cannot find my penis.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize