So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize