the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
