Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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