It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
