Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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