best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
