I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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