Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Let's get the cat blown out
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