Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
