The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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