Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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