I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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