I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
