You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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