You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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