Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
