WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
