i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
