So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
