Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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