he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just googled if crying burns calories
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
