i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
