evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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