i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
