omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
