is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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