As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
