I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
