He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
