You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
