Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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