apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
