The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
