I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
