It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The air was thick with penises
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize