its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
