I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize