its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
