I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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