dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
