She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
