I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
